Rearview Mirror

Today I tackled a job that I've been dreading. I took down decorations and pictures and went through some things that were Randy and I's. The first thing I tackled was reorganizing the drawers in my dresser. While going through my jewelry drawer, I pulled out a little white box. I didn't remember what was in it. I opened it and to my surprise there lay my wedding ring and two of the pearls that Randy gave to me. It sort of took my breath away when I first saw them. I found myself sitting on the edge of my bed with the ring that I wore for fourteen years, tears streaming down my face. I found it very difficult to take the ring off. But, I kissed it and placed it back in the box. Later on I took it to Marilyn for her to keep in her safe box for Rachel. It belongs to her now. Later, I was going through the things on the counter, which I haven't been able to face since I found out about the divorce, and I came across a stack of pictures. They had been at Keli's for something and she returned them awhile ago and I just set them on the counter. They ranged from pictures of our wedding, to baby pictures of the kids, to over the past two years. I picked out the one's that I want to keep, made a stack for Randy to keep (the one's with him and the kids), and then the one's of Randy and I together I set aside. When I was strong enough to really look at them, I was confused as to what I should do with them. Do I keep them? Do I give them to the kids? Or, do I give them to Randy? I decided to keep some and give some to Randy. Part of me wondered, "Will he keep them or throw them out"? Then I told myself that it doesn't matter. It's not in your control. Emotional as it was today it also proved to be a purging process. I found myself sad and yet feeling that step forward in my life. It was as if I was pulling away from Randy and watching him get smaller in my rearview mirror. Tears were shed, but the road ahead towards where I'm driving has blue skies and the sun shines brightly. So many possibilities.

I am so thankful for the fifteen years that I've had with that man. I am so grateful for the laughs, the tears, and the love that we've shared. I will cherish those memories forever.