Rebuilding the Engine

My question to my father today... "Dad, I've lost almost everything near and dear to me. I've lost my husband, my best friend, my dignity, my self-respect, my family. I've barely got my kids right now. I am completely broken and lost. What more is there to take?"

His response was the best advice that I've gotten in years...

"Sometimes God has to take the engine completely apart and rebuild it for it to run better... If you have a car that sputters, smokes, everything about it is falling apart, it's dead, you need to take it completely apart, part by part, and rebuild it from nothing. Once the rebuilding process is done, you have a shiny, new, smooth running machine that runs better than before. It no longer just gets from point A to point B. It get's there with efficiency and stamina."

Thank you God for inspiring my father to say EXACTLY what I need to hear right now. I surrender myself to You to rebuild.

My-New-Life

My-New-Life

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I want to be looked at and loved this way. I want to share a love with someone that transends everything worldly. I want to share with someone THAT kind of love. I pray for this, wholeheartedly.

A Sign...

It was still outside. She sat on the porch soaking in the beauty around her. The sun was shining through the brilliant shades of green in the Quaking Aspens. The mountain side was full of beautiful fall hues. The sky was a peaceful and familiar shade of blue that reminded her of a far off home. As she sat in awe of the beauty surrounding her, there was something plaguing. She was overwhelmed with fears and sadness. As her eyes filled with tears she humbly asked the Lord for a simple request... "Heavenly Father, will you send me a breeze? Will you give me a sign that everything is going to be better? Will you show me that my life will be full and happy again? Will you show me a sign that you love me and are here with me?" From the very still air, picked up a gentle breeze that flowed through the leaves of the trees her eyes were fixated on. The sound was like a beautiful song. The colors were mesmerizing. She knew she wasn't alone. She knew that He was with her.

He lives to comfort me when faint. He lives to hear my soul's complaint. He lives to silence all my fears. He lives to wipe away my tears. He lives to calm my troubled heart. He lives all blessings to impart.

See This...

I'm sitting at the store right now, deep in thought. DEEP in thought! My entire life I've been locked into certain beliefs about myself and the world. I had an experience with a friend recently that is making me question everything I thought I understood. Perception is reality, right? Well my perception is quickly changing. The person that I believed I was may not really be who I am. My point here is this... be careful not to get too comfortable with being a certain way. Allow yourself to be molded by the hand of God. He knows us best, better than we know ourselves. He also knows exactly what we need. We as humans continually fight God's will. We try to control our surroundings and what happens to us without realizing the big picture. He knows the beginning and the end. He knows what we can't see.

Rearview Mirror

Today I tackled a job that I've been dreading. I took down decorations and pictures and went through some things that were Randy and I's. The first thing I tackled was reorganizing the drawers in my dresser. While going through my jewelry drawer, I pulled out a little white box. I didn't remember what was in it. I opened it and to my surprise there lay my wedding ring and two of the pearls that Randy gave to me. It sort of took my breath away when I first saw them. I found myself sitting on the edge of my bed with the ring that I wore for fourteen years, tears streaming down my face. I found it very difficult to take the ring off. But, I kissed it and placed it back in the box. Later on I took it to Marilyn for her to keep in her safe box for Rachel. It belongs to her now. Later, I was going through the things on the counter, which I haven't been able to face since I found out about the divorce, and I came across a stack of pictures. They had been at Keli's for something and she returned them awhile ago and I just set them on the counter. They ranged from pictures of our wedding, to baby pictures of the kids, to over the past two years. I picked out the one's that I want to keep, made a stack for Randy to keep (the one's with him and the kids), and then the one's of Randy and I together I set aside. When I was strong enough to really look at them, I was confused as to what I should do with them. Do I keep them? Do I give them to the kids? Or, do I give them to Randy? I decided to keep some and give some to Randy. Part of me wondered, "Will he keep them or throw them out"? Then I told myself that it doesn't matter. It's not in your control. Emotional as it was today it also proved to be a purging process. I found myself sad and yet feeling that step forward in my life. It was as if I was pulling away from Randy and watching him get smaller in my rearview mirror. Tears were shed, but the road ahead towards where I'm driving has blue skies and the sun shines brightly. So many possibilities.

I am so thankful for the fifteen years that I've had with that man. I am so grateful for the laughs, the tears, and the love that we've shared. I will cherish those memories forever.

My Dear Friends and Family

I stayed up VERY late tonight talking with my mother-in-law and it was probably one of the most influential talks of my life. The Spirit was SO strong. Many tears were shed. What was so nice about our conversation was the amount of confidence, faith, and love that I felt from her. I know that I'm a changed person and that this experience has helped mold me into a better version of myself, but it was nice to have someone that I dearly love and respect see that change. It's so wonderful to have people in my life that believe in me. It's wonderful to have people in my life that see me through God's eyes. I am so grateful. It's very interesting that when you go through something like I currently am, you see the people that truly care about you. I want to express my gratitude to all of you who have helped me through this trial and who have loved and supported me. I want you to know how much I love all of you and hope that I can help you the way that you've helped me. :-)

Today is the First Day of the Rest of Your Life

Today is the first day of the rest of your life." - American Proverb. The majority of people fail to remember that a new beginning starts every second one is breathing. With this awareness of inspiration and imagination filled with possibilities, you can feel positively buoyant. While you do not know what you will create the next second, you can examine all the potential opportunities that lay before you to determine what suits you best. When you choose to direct your energy toward the opportunities that are best for you, the universe supports you, while also contributing to the collective unconscious wisdom.

By choosing your preferences from all the possibilities available to you, you learn more about the life you will create and then actually begin to co-create it with the universe. Yes, that is right. Co-create it with the universe, a.k.a Law of Attraction and Law of Abundance.

Even the buoyancy you feel as you recognize all the potential opportunities that lay before you, you are drawing the situation to you with the best energetic match. Part of recognizing what you want is the ability to discern when something is not right for you, thus, all your energy can be directed toward bringing the things you desire into form. When the universe sends its assistance, you will feel as if you are floating toward your dreams upon a swift breeze. When you experience the universe working with you, co-creating your world through you and around you, all the opportunities that arise become proof of your creative abilities. You can truly enjoy and look forward to the manifestations of your desires and dreams.